My day yesterday.
Gmah2 calls me the other night. She desperately needs my help with a surprise wedding shower.
Gmah2 and I have been friends for over 20 years. Of course, I’ll help.
What do I need to do?
Hem some table cloths. – Check
Bring some ribbon. – Check
Bring some lace. – Check
You’ll probably need to bring your sewing machine “just in case.” – Check
Glue sticks and a glue gun? – Check
Gmah2 tells me she’ll pick me up in the morning, which she does. It isn’t until we’re driving past her neighborhood that I ask where the hell we’re going. “Oh,” she says. “We’re doing everything at Linda’s place.”
Perfect. I’ve met Linda once. I don’t know where Linda lives. Scratch that. I DO NOW!
Three words – This fucking heat!
Add to that, this fucking heat in the middle of nowhere fucking Idaho. Sitting in an old farmhouse with one teenie, tiny window unit AC.
Add to that, nearly 20 people mulling about and all of the body heat to go with ’em.
Add to that, walking back and forth to a hot ass, mofo, barn in the middle of nowhere fucking Idaho.
Did I happen to mention that I had on a dress and flip flops??

I thought I was going to Gmah2’s house. A beautiful house in the beautiful suburbs with AC that runs so cold you could hang meat. But no. I’m in the middle of nowhere fucking Idaho trying to sew, hot glue and decorate around 20 other sweaty fucking people. 20 other sweaty people that were supposed to be helping and ended up doing nothing but drinking soda and eating chips while Gmah2 and I did all of the work, in an old farmhouse with a teenie, tiny window unit AC that, FYI, I huff n’ puff out more air when I’m wiggling and wriggling into my sports bra fresh out of the shower than that thing kicked out on high!
Besides my hair and my temper, ya’ wanna’ know what doesn’t hold up in this heat? ANY decorations made using a hot glue gun!
In fact, I said, “I don’t think this is going to work guys. It’s too hot.”
“Oh no!” They said. “They’ll be fine, we’ll put them in front of the fans.”
“Okay, first of all, before these glued up, laced up ribboned up fucking wreaths go in front of the fans, my fat ass is sitting in front of one.
And second, no. No, they won’t be fine, ” I said. “No, they fucking won’t.”
SURPRISE! Me melting at a dining room table, sewing away with burnt fucking fingertips from the million and one itty bitty flowers and seashells I’d been gluing to wreaths all day and one by one I hear shit falling off of the wreaths and onto the floor.
Then I hear someone say, and I don’t know who said it because trust me I would’ve got the glue gun and glued their mouth shut..
“Maybe if we put them in the freezer.”
At some point some old guy, I guess he lived there. I don’t know. He yells out, “I’m firin’ up the grill! Who wants some hot dogs and burgers?” Seriously? It’s a million degrees outside. And everybody starts gathering up chairs and tables and then out of nowhere, enough food to feed a small country starts streaming out the door. I just want to die. I want a pool, a lake, a beach, my tub, my shower. SOMETHING!

I find Gmah2 and say, “Hey, looks like things are winding down. Uh, when are we heading out?”
– I didn’t take my vehicle. I should’ve taken my vehicle. I ALWAYS take my vehicle. Why???? Because of situations Just.Like.This. –
Gmah2 says to me, “Well, don’t you want to eat first? They made all this food.”
“No, Gmah2. I don’t want to eat. I want to jump in the nearest fucking lake. I want to pour a bucket of water over my head. I want to strip down naked and run thru the irrigation sprinklers. So no. No. I don’t want a fucking hot dog and warm potato salad and melted jello. I want to go home.” I said this as sweetly as I could to my dear, old friend. I even smiled. Sort of. It could’ve been a snarl.

My dear, old friend who knows me so well promptly turned around and gave a shout out, “Okay. Well, we gotta’ go. See you on Saturday.”
On the way home, Gmah2 apologized for not telling me ahead of time where we’d be, how hot the house would be, how many people would be mulling about in that old, hot house, and most of all for the shitty air conditioning. Had I known, I would’ve prepared differently. I certainly wouldn’t have worn a dress and flip flops! And, I probably would’ve said no.
On the way home Gmah2 also bought me a giant ice cream cone.
We’re still friends. Ice cream on a million degree day makes everything better.
Once I finally made it home I nearly dove into my shower and stayed under it until I was a shriveled prune. I got out, grabbed a huge glass of iced tea and this book. It was one of my “stuff a bag” library book sale books.
According to ‘Good Reads’ I started this book back in April. Makes sense. I’ve been busy. I’ve never read this author before but I do like her. She’ll be getting a 5 star rating.
And that, my friends, was my day yesterday. A great prelude into an early morning dr. appt. this morning.
What’s on tap for today? More iced tea. More reading and going, doing, ab-so-lute-ly NOTHING.

Stay cool my friends. Unless you’re in the middle of your winter right now. Then I wish I could send you some of this heat to warm you up!
The best part of my day yesterday besides spending time with Gmah2 was that not one word of politics was spoken and that was heavenly.
Mimi’s quote for the day –

14 thoughts on “IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE

    • I will trust you Joe because I’m pretty sure it’ll be a loooong while before I find the humor in that wretched day. I didn’t even write everything that went nutso, just the whole day left me feeling like I should have stayed in bed.


  1. I feel your pain, heat is NOT my friend. I would always prefer it cool/cold, as you can always put on more clothes! My new job on the dock is better as I am away from the welding robots of the body shop, but not by a lot! Sorry for your yesterday, you held your temper better than I would have. I’mean a grouchy old bear when it’s hot!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I love love love the way you wrote this rant. It’s so perfect. I felt like I was right there with you. OMG. And you know, I’m gonna be completely honest: I do not get this big attraction to hot glue. I have had nothing but bad luck with it. I watch these craft videos and they’re using hot glue and I’m sitting here going, ‘yeah right. That shit ain’t waterproof. Your little snowglobe is gonna leak aaaalllll over the place.’ White craft glue probably would’ve worked better for your needs…at least that would dry! Or E6000 which is my go-to adhesive. But I digress. I’m glad your friend got you outta there when you asked & got you a cone. You went above and beyond esp. considering the conditions in which you had to work.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahaha. Well thank you and thank your lucky stars that you weren’t there, or maybe it would’ve been fun. We could’ve turned the hoses on each other and just made the most of it. The thought actually crossed my mind. And yeah. The glue gun.. Omg. If I never see another one again as long as I live it’ll be a day too soon. That hot stringy, globby mess on a hot day was not fun AT ALL. But ya’ know. Ice cream. 🙂


    • I agree S.J. hot glue is a mess and with this heat. I think I was most irritated with the people who kept showing up and not lifting a finger to help. And FYI. None of these people were my friends or relatives. I was helping out my friend. These were people from her work or something. I don’t even know but man I never saw so much laziness in one place.


  3. Oh man! Poor you and I would have been the same with that million degrees outside. 😛
    Loved your rant. It was so real that I could see you sweating and going red with anger. Fabulous. Also, reading this made me smile about things we do for friends and how much all that means.


    Oh hell!!!! That’s the kind of shit that makes me drink more than iced tea!!!! EMMMHMMMM!
    Been held captive in that dimension of HELL before too, it’s the worst and not smoothed over by an ice cream cone afterward either.
    GMAH2 what a great name!!!! hahahaaa I’m GC = Grandma C. too many grandmas so Smalls just signs GC because it’s easier for everyone to know who the hell he’s talking about.

    I hope you got some rest!


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