I can’t be alone on this.
RULES FOR RIDING IN MY CAR
1.) Wear your seatbelt.
If I choose not to wear mine, that’s on me. I’ll risk the ticket. I won’t risk the ticket for your ass. Nor will I be held responsible for you catapulting through my windshield in the event of an accident.
On the flip side of that, I won’t be held responsible if you’re wearing your seatbelt and get trapped inside my vehicle. That’s between you, your surviving family members, your insurance, your attorney, the state and automaker.
Not it.
2.) All body parts are to remain inside the vehicle at all times.
I don’t go back for lost hats, shoes, flip flops or twirling things that look cool.
3.) Don’t touch the radio.
I don’t walk into your home and change the channel on your t.v.
Don’t get in my car and start flippin’ through the stations.
My vehicle. My music. 
Oh, and an addendum to the whole radio thing.
This.
4.) Don’t touch the AC/Heat.
If you’re hot/cold let me know. I’m not an asshole.
I’ll cool you off or warm you up but if it’s already balls hot in my vehicle and you’re still cold I suggest you layer.
If you can hang meat in my vehicle and you’re still hot. Unlayer.
Be happy I have both. It could be worse.
5.) Much like the state parks – If you carry it in, carry it out.
This means any and all fast food bags, drinks, candy wrappers, gum wrappers, straw wrappers, game/cd/dvd wrappers…
YOUR WATER BOTTLES…
Please, and thank you.
6.) You’re the food prepper.
If we go through a drive-thru your job is to put the straw in my drink and unwrap my burger – half way, not all the way. I don’t need a bunch of shit falling down the front of my shirt – and hand it to me.
On the trips that I choose nuggets instead of a burger I suggest you choose something you can eat with one hand because your other one will be holding my nuggets and dipping sauce.
And be prepared with a million napkins.
See, I’m not alone. These girls get it.
7.) AND MOST IMPORTANTLY
– If I have a drink in my drink holder –
DO NOT EXFOLIATE YOUR ARM ACROSS THE TOP OF MY FUCKING STRAW REACHING FOR SOMETHING OR WHILE YOU’RE TRYING TO ADJUST YOURSELF IN YOUR SEAT.
Do all of your reaching and adjusting before we’re rollin’ down the road.
8.) Don’t start sorting through your purse, backpack or wallet while I’m driving.
We’re going to the fucking store. You’re not moving in.
Exactly!
9.) Wear deodorant.
DO NOT WEAR “AXE”. You’re not a 12 yr. old boy lookin’ to get laid.
Do not bathe in your cologne/perfume. You’re not a 7-Eleven/Mobil gas station owner.
Take a shower and call it a day.
10.) My vehicle doesn’t run on “thanks for the ride.”
If I’m heading into town or you’re somewhere along my travels and you need to hitch a ride. Cool. But if I’m taking time out of my day to pick you up and drive you to the other side of the state?
And you can forget the ass and grass but fabric might work. – Just sayin’..
What about you guys? Any rules for people along for the ride? I know you’ve got some and I wanna’ hear ’em!
Happy August 1st! Who can believe this year has flown by so fast? Halloween and Christmas stuff is already up n’ on sale around here.
I have to say. I’m not looking forward to the cold and gray skies of winter but a break from the never-ending heat would be nice. If it could stay spring and fall year round that’d be awesome. Throw in a few 80-ish degree days for tanning purposes and then be done with it.
Oh. And the sun must shine always unless we’re getting a phenomenal thunderstorm which never happens here.
So yeah. Sunshine every day would be nice.
I hope wherever you are the weather is being kind to you. I hope people are being kind to you too, and you to them.
We need more of that.
Mimi’s quote for the day –
Magical Mystical Mimi 
Those are great rules for the car. Great rules. Another one is how about shut up. The non-stop talking makes me want to boot your ass right out of the car while I’m cruising at 70 miles per hour.
Have a fabulous day. ☺
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Thank you…OH! OH! I know CP and let me tell you I have pulled over to the side of the road and into rest areas kickin’ people outta’ my fucking car. There are rules and I don’t think they’re unreasonable.
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(You’ve been playing, I see. Great-Grandmother types do get confused by change. I did, however, finally find the comment form) 🙂
Maybe it’s a woman thing or we’re related. Nearly every rule you have were my rules when I drove. The one about the radio though … I hate the radio in the car, unless I am alone, unless it’s one of my favorites – then I turn it wayyy up! (Only when alone – I’m the same here at the house) I will not turn the ignition on until everyone is buckled up.
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To be honest I changed it soley for the bigger font. Tiny print makes my head hurt! I’m happy you found your way. I was looking for a theme that had the comments at the top but no such luck. All tiny print. – It really depends on who’s in the car whether or not I have the radio up, down or on at all. Most of the time we’re chatting but there are those stretches where they just need to hush and let my music play on. 🙂 Or my talk radio. I’m a big talk radio fan too.
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Mimi has one good quote there.
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What a difference that would make, huh?
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Awesome car rules. My car is so messy and full of dog hair that my only real rule is don’t touch the music or the air/heat. I like it ice cold in there so people really need to layer. hahaha
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My lit’l sis’ car is a rolling furball but I don’t care. Some people do. Not me. I’m just the passenger. The car truly belongs to those responsible for the furballs. 🙂
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Roll the window down a bit before you fart.
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Omgosh! How did I forget that rule with 3 boys??? I have a Princess too but she doesn’t fart. 😉
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HAHAHAAA!!!! Fantastic post!!!!!
The farting you need to roll the damn windows DOWN!!! OOOh yes that!!!!
AND if I’ve picked you up from hockey or dance or any kind of activity where you’ve been sweating or you haven’t been doing those activities but your hooves smell like the rotted corpse of a roadkill’s ass keep your shoes the fuck on.
Let add another thing about car etiquette and phones.. because I haven’t discussed this because well I couldn’t in mixed company on FB and now that I’ve left FB (making that a permanent move) anyway that last trip I took with friends… that was a 7 hour road trip from Germany to France on top of the 5 hours of air travel that day. They said it would be fun…
When we are on a road trip we are on holiday. All of us. We have left our families behind with full fridges and the other parental unit and a pat on their heads and a kiss placed on foreheads and instructions that we have gone to be on holiday to be drunk in France and you do not fucking call us unless you are on fire.
This was understood by 3 of the 4 women in the car.
The one who did not understand this started receiving whinny Skype calls on FULL VIDEO and SPEAKER with older teenagers that were fully capable of figuring out the things they needed answers to. The mother also allowed this and the Skype calls KEPT COMING at regular intervals.
At some point two of the more outspoken friends said… you NEED to tell your kids YOU are on a fucking holiday….
Subtle hints and flat out telling someone that we are clearly annoyed and no escaping this car ride for 7 hours of hell.
I wish I could tell you this was just in the car but we also all shared a room… It will be fun they said….
Fuck me dead.
#shitthatwillNEVERhappenagain #didntsleepfor5fuckingdays #snoringandphonecalls #wewerereadytokillher
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Omg. I know those moms. I was never one of them. In fact,once one of my kids called when I was going to out of town OVERNIGHT – after I had gone over EV.ER.Y fucking thing you possibly go over WITH A TEENAGER, NOT a toddler. – And I answered the phone like this, “Did somebody die? Are you holding a bloody body part? No?” Click. You should have seen everybody look at me like I was the most evil woman on the planet but ya’ know, they had NO idea how painstakingly clear I was about prepping for this OVERNIGHT trip. Yeah. I don’t do those million phone calls and I certainly don’t do them when I’m on vacation.
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HAHAHAHA!!!! And click!!!!! EXACTLY THAT!!
I love the big font BTW. I just got a new laptop, first thing I did was make the type size large.
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Yeah. The other font was too small with the WordPress theme so I had to switch to a theme with bigger font and an overall – free – design that I could live with. At least for a little while anyway. 🙂
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