(Z)IPPER – Blogging from A to Z

ZSound the trumpets! It’s the last day. The last letter. The last word!
And that word is, ZIPPER!
The invention of the zipper started back in 1851. A couple of guys had a general idea and finally in 1913 some other guy got it right and pretty much that’s the zipper we have today. You can read all about it, here.
Side note: Zippers initially were used on shoes, boots, and tobacco pouches. Then in World War I the Navy used them for uniforms. Last lit’l tidbit, B.F. Goodrich is the one who named them “zippers” because of the sound they made.
The nerd girl in me found this more interesting than it probably is..
In the “Did You Know” section of life pertaining to all things zipper-ish.
A guy getting his schlong caught in his zipper is the number one cause of penile injury in the United States and that these injuries are most prevalent if you’re a male between the ages of 29-45.
***Cranky, be sure and let Mrs. Cranky know you no longer need her assistance.
If you find yourself in the predicament as described above with the whole stuck schlong thing going on. You’ll be happy to know that Wikihow can help you out.
Not even kidding.
How To Free A Penis From A Stuck Zipper.”
Seriously. They list two options for you. The “treating at home” method or the embarrassing trip to “treating at the hospital.”
***“If the skin cannot be freed otherwise, the use of an elliptical skin incision or an emergency circumcision will be performed by a urologist under general anesthesia.”
If I were a guy. I’d stay home.
Apparently no so awkward if you’re at a zipper convention…
zipper conventionYeah, you may wanna’ rethink your sign…
***Grab your eye bleach…

Maybe he should’ve got in the line for brains instead of courage…And one for the ladies. It’s truer than you know…Just ask “Cranky.”This last and final A to Z post has been brought to by the suggestion of “Cranky” and the twisted mind of moi.
Side note:Cranky” and I should probably never attend the same parties together unless we’ve got enough bail money in our wallets.
Thank you all again for following along. You’ve made it so much fun for me and you are all appreciated SO much!
It’s a beautiful weekend here. No more cold temps and whipping winds. I’ll be on the patio with a bottle of wine.
It’ll be so nice to resume normal blogging tomorrow without a letter dictating what I post about!
Love the challenge but it is a challenge!
Peace out folks.

(Y)OURSELF

Listen. Can you hear the angels singing in heaven???
Unfortunately, the devil resides on planet earth…Case and point.
This post comes with a complimentary bottle of eye bleach.
You’re welcome.
***Tomorrow is the end of the Blogging from A to Z challenge.
Can I get a hell yeah?!
It’s been a lot of fun and I thank all of you so, so much for following along with me on my, “I swear I’m never going to do this challenge again” journey.

As suggested by Joe over at ‘The Cranky Old Man,’ tomorrow’s last and final word of the challenge will be (Z)IPPER!
What could possibly go wrong??
If you aren’t already, I encourage you all to stop by “Cranky’s” blog and show some love.
It’s one of my most favorite blogs in the whole wide blog-o-verse and it will be one of yours too!
So go on over and take a look around and leave him some comment love!

DISCLAIMER: If tomorrow’s post has you reaching for the eye bleach again. Blame “Cranky!

(X)YLOLOGY – Blogging from A to z

Throwing caution to the wind today because hey, we’re on the letter X and this was the most interesting “X” word I could find.
XylologyThe study of wood.
For this post, “wood” will be defined by the Urban Dictionary of all things slang.
Example: “Shamiqua was jonesin’ for my jock, so I slipped her the good wood.”
Yeah, let’s just go ahead and give this one to the devil…
If you’re a woman who’s married or in a relationship, you’ve willingly, unwillingly or subconsciously, been a student of Xylology.And if you’ve been married a super long time or have been in a long term relationship you’ve probably got a degree in it.
Hang it on the wall.
The first morning you woke up next to your beloved. You earned it.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been nearly impaled by this.Here are some more “X” words pertaining to “wood” and their definitions.
Xylogenous – growing on wood.
***Run. Stay away from all wood that has something growing on it!

Xyloglyphy – wood carving.
Xylography – art of engraving on wood
Xylopyrography – engraving designs on wood with hot poker
***One word – OUCH!

Xylopolist – one who sells wood.
***Also known as prostitution. Stay away from this guy too.

Xylophilous – fond of wood.
***Me!

Xylophagous – wood eating.
***Guilty.

Xylotomous – wood cutting.
***Think Lorena Bobbit.

And because there are few lines I won’t cross….
Xylan – gelatinous compound found in wood
***It’s been said probably by men that this gelatinous compound is pure protein.
If that’s the case ladies, instead of waking up and rummaging thru the fridge for this…

Let your man serve you breakfast in bed instead.
Coincidence? I think not.

(W)ONDER – Blogging from A to Z

‘W’ is for “wonder.” As in I wonder how I’m going to make it through these last 3 letters of the alphabet. For being only 26 letters it sure feels like a million and 26! Ugh. And now I’m being another ‘w’ word – whiner!
Some days it feels just like that…
Yep. I’m pretty sure you could Mr. Fender.
If I were a man I’d be using that thing as a lightsaber!

Butterflies? No. Boners? Yes.Hopefully hitting the lottery…wonder breadPlease step away from the ‘Wonder Bread…’

It would become an English speaking state of carnivores?? Just a guess.I wonder how many people I’ve offended with this post.
Just kidding. I never wonder that.

(V)INTAGE – Blogging from A to Z

‘V’ is for “vintage” – ads. Most of these just left me shaking my head. I think it’s safe to say that advertising was a male dominated field back in the day.So a coconut, marshmallow coated, cream filled, chocolate cake for a head is what Hostess thought was glamorous?? They’re guys, it’s the car but nice of Chevrolet to give a warning in their ad.
“All you ladies might as well be warned right now: You’re going to be the target for admiring eyes – perhaps a few whistles, too – in your slick new Chevrolet.”
Not one single case of throat irritation but maybe lung cancer? John Wayne beat his lung cancer in 1964 only to die of stomach cancer almost 20 yrs. later.. So sad. Not entirely sure how this ad is selling pants but, um, okay… And what’s with the creepy kid ads?

Maybe those kids are the reason for so many ads like this.

And ya’ know, maybe it’s not so much the kids as her asshole husband over-reacting because she bought the wrong coffee.

Then again maybe all she needed was a vitamin.
“Gosh honey, you seem to thrive on cooking, cleaning and dusting – And I’m all tuckered out by closing time. What’s the answer?”
“Vitamins, darling. I always get my vitamins.”
And speaking of pep. I need to get a lit’l pep in my step because I’ve got a shit ton of stuff to get done! – Maybe I need a vitamin!

Our weathermen were wrong. We have a beautiful day filled with sun and temps in the 60’s so you can bet I’ll be out in it. Be well my faithful readers.
Only 4 more A to Z posts and then it’s back to our regularly scheduled programming!
Right about now this is the way I’m feeling about the A to Z Challenge.

(U)NDERWEAR – Blogging A to Z

Today’s word is brought to you by Hanes, Fruit of the Loom, Victoria Secret, Vanity Fair, Jockey and Joe Boxer. Just to name a few. – Can you guess the word???
That’s right – UNDERWEAR!
Once upon a time this was underwear…
In modern day, it comes in a family pack.
Is this really a debate for men???Boxers vs. briefs??

Personally, I prefer the boxer brief.
And if you could “bend it like Beckham,” that’d be awesome.
Woman aren’t so picky. We just want something that’s not gonna’ crawl up our ass or give us panty lines.
Obviously, men don’t care…
Is this underwear or an engagement ring? You decide.underwear carrotIt’d be kinda’ hard to fit that carrot on her finger..
And I’ll just leave it at that.
I’m so glad women don’t have weird underwear. Do you think she’s “Ram tough?”

Did you know they made underwear for dogs?
Okay, not exactly this..

But this.. It’s a dog thong. Seriously. Would you put one on your pet???
I’m the first one to say that I love putting clothes on my pup but this??
Yeah, no.
Now, I have to tell you. As someone who sews A LOT. Never in a million years did I know that you can make clothing FROM men’s underwear but apparently you can.. Raise your hand if you’d wear it anywhere other than Walmart.
Tttthhhat’s all folks! – Just FYI, there’s a lot of shit written and posted about underwear, and I saved you all from eye bleaching today so you’re welcome.
We’re having rain all week so just assume that my whole week will be spent reading and sewing. If anything thrilling and spine chilling happens to occur I’ll be sure and let you all know.
Oh. Like this for instance. – Another “u” word? Under, as in under surveillance???
Slightly curious as to why the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Dept. is reading my blog..
Super curious why it’s the ‘Miranda Throws A Pleasure Party‘ post.

(T)RENDING – Blogging A to Z

Trending. The world according to Facebook and Twitter.
TRENDING on Twitter –
#Lemonade – Apparently when life gives Beyonce’ lemons she makes a new album.

This is what the rest of us make.
#UFC 197 – Not.A.Clue but apparently Daniel Cormier is a pussy.
And of course, #GoodnightSweetPrince
TRENDING on Facebook –
***Death
Pike County, Ohio: Police Release 911 Calls and Identify 8 Family Members Found Fatally Shot
Michelle McNamara: Crime Writer, Wife of Comedian Patton Oswalt, Dies at 46
Wilmington, Delaware: Teenage Girl Dies After Being Assaulted at High School, Officials Say
And, Prince: Family, Friends Attend Private Funeral for Musician, Publicist Says
Also trending? McDonald’s introduces the “Grand Mac” and the “Mac Jr.”
****Okay, here’s the thing. The “Grand Mac” is supposed to be bigger patties on a bigger bun.
Really? Because if you’re old like me you’ll remember when the original “Big Mac” had bigger patties and was on a bigger bun. – I just wanted to throw that out there…

Currently, the new “Grand Mac” and “Jr. Mac” are only available in Ohio and Texas. I don’t know if that’s because they’re just doing a blind test run or if they’re trying to drum up business for their local heart surgeons.
Here’s the calorie break down –
“Mac Jr” – 480 calories
“Big Mac” – 540 calories
“Grand Mac” – Weighs in at a whopping 890 calories!

Or there’s the healthier choice loaded with protein. This one is available on local roach coaches food trucks everywhere.
Another “T” word? TODAY
Today I will finish the mess I started yesterday.
Today I will stalk blogs.
Today I will finish an art project I started yesterday.
Today I will finish the laundry.
Today I will officially be caught up on the A to Z Challenge!
Today I will drink, much, much, much, much coffee because I need it!
Anything thrilling and spine-chilling planned for your Sunday? I hope whatever you’re doing it’s as fun as it can be or as peaceful as you need.
Happy Sunday and happy last week of A to Z’ing!

(S)MILE – Blogging A to Z

‘S’ is for SMILE!

Psst. Someone should tell the Brits. Their lit’l corner of the world didn’t get the memo.

This guy’s got a smile. It didn’t “fully dress” him.
And creepy…

True but it could be this guy. – Just sayin’

Maybe…

Maybe not…

And then share it!
It’s another rainy day here. I was up at o’ dark thirty. I’ve already gone through one pot of coffee and I’m starting on my second. I’ve got laundry going and more to do. Hopefully, I’ll get some reading and sewing in today but my big project for the day is going to be cleaning out closets and organizing – yay. –
Ya’ ever notice when you go to clean out a closet, any closet, you end up with a bigger mess than the one you thought you had???

(R)OMANCE – vs. – (R)EALITY

“R” is for romance. “R” is also for reality.
And the devil is in the details.
Being in love can turn some of the most angelic romantic moments into the devil’s own.a.)  Who doesn’t love a romantic snuggle? Key word being snuggle which is clearly what this photo depicts because if that guy had really been sleeping his arm wouldn’t be wrapped around Miss Bedhead.
No. The reality is….His arm would be falling asleep, tingling, possibly cramping and getting very sweaty.
The human head can weigh up to 11lbs!
b.)  And let’s talk about her snuggling into his armpit… Disgusting! There is nothing romantic about snuggling somebody’s armpit!  I don’t care if you’ve just showered and are marinating in all of your “I’m so sexy” body spray. Nobody wants to lay in or sniff a hairy armpit!
And while we’re on the romantic snuggling topic. This whole face to face thing – for the whoooollllle night – is not romantic. Much like nobody wants to sniff a hairy armpit. Nobody wants to breathe in somebody else’s nose air all night.
Don’t get me wrong. I love me some romantic snuggling just as much as the next girl but when it’s time to sleep, it’s time to sleep! You on your side of the bed and me on mine.
And by mine I mean the whole bed is my side because I sleep like a naked starfish!
Yeah, this whole breakfast in bed thing? It’s a romantic idea. However…
The reality is, this is a disaster waiting to happen! Inevitably, somebody has to get up off of that bed which means something on that tray is either going to tip over and/or spill. And seriously. Who eats laying down on their stomachs?
This type of romance is best left in the movies.
Another type of romance best left in the movies? The romantic dinner date.

Why? Because the reality is, you’ve got this happening right next to your table.
***TIP – If the sign on the restaurant reads, “FAMILY Dining.” Plan your romantic dinner elsewhere because kids rule here.
And speaking of kids… We all know that romance leads to them which is why you need to get as many romantic moments in as you can before they arrive. Because after they’re here, the reality is this. In the words of that romantic song by Huey Lewis, “That’s the power of love!”Somewhere deep inside the misshapen lump of steel I call my heart resides a girl who still believes this.

My reality, though, has been this…

I think Joe Pesci summed it up best for me in the movie ‘With Honors.’ If you happen to come across it while you’re channel surfing it’s worth a watch.
Joe Pesci plays a bum but he wasn’t always a bum. And this is what he said about the reality of his romance in the movie.
I get it…It’s a rainy, much cooler day here folks so I’ll be doing inside stuff.
I know with A to Z we’re actually on letter “S” but I’ll blog on Sunday and get caught up. I was all ready to post yesterday and then Prince died and it took me a minute to come to grips with that. It’s still unreal. – Feel free to make fun of me for getting weepy over someone I never knew. I make fun of me all the time. –
I can’t believe it was the flu of all things and I think it’s totally unfair that all of the good celebrities are dying and all of the jerks celebrities are still breathing the free air.
#totally bummed

(Q)UIET – Blogging from A to Z

Despite being the coolest of cool I’m actually a closet nerd and I was going to post on quantum physics for my “Q” word but that’s actually two words and a huge topic to tackle in one post.
Instead, I chose the word QUIET.
A word most people would not associate with me but hey! I have my moments!
Pretty sure nobody has these thought bubbles about me.This is especially true if you’re in a little social gathering and some douche bag walks up and starts spewing forth a bunch of bullshit. I just kinda’ sit there and wait for the rope to tighten around his neck before I throw in my two cents.
“Not only are you full of yourself. You’re full of shit.”
Why do people invite me to things???
I am NEVER attracted to this person. I am SUSPECT of this person.
This person lacks social skills and apparently graduated from the Helen Keller school of speech.
This person is planning a homicide.See????? It’s the quiet guy at the party. Or it’s my creepy neighbor with the tote full of naked Barbies. Come to think of it. I’ve never heard him speak either…Wait. What??? How does that work???I miss my loud lit’l munchkins but I’ve got some up n’ coming loud lit’l grand-munchkins so the beat goes on, huh?
And now that song is playing in my head…
One of those times is missing from my watch.
Thank you Mel Brooks. You get me.
True story.
Quiet may actually describe my day ahead as the majority of it will be spent doing a lot of reading, a little sewing, and sitting in on a Catholic webinar series.
It’s not even noon and it’s almost 80 degrees! – I’m lovin’ it. – April 20th and I’ve already got a tan!
I hope you’re having great weather wherever you are and that your day brings you the level of quietness you require. I suspect much like sleep, that level is different for all of us.
Make it a great day and Happy A to Z’ing to my fellow A to Z’ers!
Only 9 days left!

(N)EIGHBOR – Blogging A to Z

I know I’m a day late but here it is… The “N” word.
– NO! Not that “N” word! –
Mine is much nicer and creepy…
“N” is for neighbor. As most of you know who read my twisted blog. I have an issue with neighbors. And by issue, I mean that if there happens to be a freaky, creepy, weirdo within a million mile radius, inevitably, at some point, they will end up being my neighbor.
On the whole, I like neighbors. I’ve had great neighbors. My favorite neighbors are the neighbors who turn into friends. Anymore those tend to be far and few in between.
I’ve never had a neighbor this cool but beer left on my doorstep would be a nice neighborly touch.
I think about this sometimes when I’m driving through a neighborhood at night and I see a lit’l glimpse inside a kitchen or living room with cute lit’l wall hangings or people sitting at the dining room table. For a nanosecond I imagine the most wonderful life for them, and of course, they get a drive by blessing that they might always have that cozy roof over their heads and those people to love.
And then I’m back to the jerk that just ran the stop sign.
I’ve only experienced this once in my life. Four brothers that lived across the street from us growing up. All of them good looking, two of them exceptionally so. Unfortunately, my dad held my dating reigns then so like a kid on the short bus about all I could do was stick my face to the window and lick it!
Side note: Eventually, I would receive my very first kiss ever from one of the exceptionally good looking ones.
I don’t necessarily believe this.

Unless the neighbors are like this…
Hhhhhmmm. I have a strange neighbor and I don’t want him invigorating anything that has to do with me. Thanks anyway Ralph.
On to the creepy neighbor because you knew there had to be one in this post.
It’s not the ones upstairs. They’re just loud and now they’re moving so hip, hip, hooray for that!
NO. Here is my creepy neighbor.
– Because apparently it is my lot in life to have at least one wherever I go! –
What makes this neighbor so creepy???
Is it that he walks around barefoot year round. Rain, sleet, snow, sun??
Nope. Just makes him a moron.
Is it that the outfit you see in the photo is the same outfit he wears day in, day out, year round??
Nope. Just makes him disgusting and I suspect, smelly.
You can’t see his face but his head is perfectly round with 3 clumps of greasy hair sticking out, coke bottle glasses and he’s still rockin’ the Don Johnson Miami Vice 5 o’clock shadow only scraggly.
What makes this neighbor creepy is HIS COLLECTION OF NAKED BARBIES that he keeps in one of a DOZEN OR MORE plastic totes filled with junk on his back patio!!!!!!!
I only know this because to take our pup to go poo we have to walk right past the creep neighbor’s place and there on the fire hazard that is his back patio is that tote FILLED TO THE BRIM with NAKED BARBIES!!!!!!!
I don’t know why. I don’t want to know why. Nor do I know what’s in the rest of the totes that adorn his patio but I guarantee you. One day we’ll see this NEIGHBOR on the 10 o’clock news!
Please.. Fingers, eyes and toes all crossed. – Pleeeassse.
Silence. The Lord has taught me silence. He knows like I know. I could end up in one of those flippin’ plastic totes!
Here is my week ahead wish for all of you.
But not too soon on that last one!
Now I’m heading around to visit, read n’ comment on lots of terrific blogs.
All of yours at the top of my list!
Happy Sunday folks and Happy A to Z’ing!

(M)EMORIES – Blogging from A to Z

I’m playing the devil today folks. What’s new? I’ll be posting quotes about my “M” word – Memories – And typing the first thing that pops into the dark side of my head.
Some would argue it’s all dark.. Those people can suck it.
Yeah, it’s called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder…

And like all treasure it should be buried – Deep – This isn’t true. Go to a family reunion. You’ll discover a lot of changed memories.

memories tanThat’s because you’ll be at the dr. getting the skin cancer removed.

Not my crazy friends. Not our good times. We don’t remember shit!
This…
Happy Friday. Happy A to Z’ing. And may all of YOUR memories be happy ones!

(K)ISS – (L)OVE – Blogging A to Z – Combo post!

A combo post because, well, life. Time got away from me. The days seemed long and then short and so, so busy. On the plus side, you get kisses and love all in one post! Some people don’t even get that in a day, or a week, or a year!
When I worked in commercial construction I kept a jar of candy on my desk for the guys and as the jar got low they’d put money in it for me to buy more. I never asked them to so I thought it was very sweet. One day this young buck came through the door, a newbie on the site and his first contractors meeting inside the “job shack.” He sees the jar on my desk with the money in it and he says to me, “If I put a dollar in here can I get a kiss?” So of course, me being me, I say,
“Not if you put a million dollars in there.”
On to some real kisses…
The sweet kiss –
The aawwww kiss –
The eeeewwww kiss –
The classic kiss –
And the one and only Kiss –
Sorry for the “toofer” folks. It’s been a busy couple of days here.
I hope all is well in your little corners of the world. Our weather has taken a nasty, cold n’ rainy turn but the sun will return in a few days and all will be right with my world once again.
I will be back on track tomorrow with the letter “M.” See you all then!

(J)UICY – Blogging A to Z

When I think of the word “juicy,” contrary to what all of you may think I think. I immediately think of this.
I love a good, “juicy” orange but oddly enough am not a big fan of orange juice, especially after getting up in the morning and having brushed your teeth with Crest.
FYI – Peppermint and orange do not go well together.
I also think of this.
My most favorite gum ever. Sadly, I remember when it was only 10 cents a pack.
Ugh. I’m fucking old.
I’ve never had these.
But it’s been my experience that any of these “juicy” oozer, fruit chewy things, smell and taste like Playdoh. My kids and grandkids love ’em though so what do I know?
And I’ve never tried these but I think I’d like to.Definitely don’t want to try this tho..I have no idea who this guy is.

But I’m pretty sure this is his wife.
And one last “juicy” tidbit.
Is anybody else finding the humor in this?
“Are the words that leave your mouth as KOSHER as the food that goes in?”
Shouldn’t this photo have been titled “Jew-sy Gossip.”

Okay, that may have sent this post into the win column for the devil.
Only 16 more letters to go! Happy Tuesday and Happy A to Z’ing!
Be well! Be happy! Just be!

(I)MAGINATION – Blogging from A to Z

I had two words in mind for today’s “I” word. Infectious and imagination.
I went with imagination.
You’re welcome.Imagination, when used for the forces of good and not evil can produce some spectacular works.
For example, Michaelangelo’s paintings in the Sistine Chapel.
This is imagination and giftedness, at its most exquisite.
Walt Disney is another example of an amazing imagination. Not on the grand, spiritual scale as that of Michaelangelo but he has certainly lifted his fair share of spirits and undoubtedly lit the fire of imagination in countless little minds everywhere. His is an imagination that will continue on for generations to come.
I’ve been here. Have you?
Fast forward to J.K. Rowling and much like Walt Disney, her imagination will also continue on.
Imagination, when used for the forces of stupidity evil tends to churn out things like this…
Sadly, and frighteningly so, these too may continue on.
Oh, quit yer squawkin’. – You all know I could’ve posted something soooooo much more disturbing here.
Remember, I didn’t choose the word infectious..
I could have..
Behave or tomorrow will be an eye bleach day.
Imagination in the wrong hands yields this, and apparently reaps a shit ton of money thanks to a shit ton of stupidity!
THIS
is considered art and a “vivid imagination.”
Are you fucking kidding me right now? Seriously????
“A blackboard covered in white scribbles by the American abstract artist Cy Twombly has fetched a record $70.5 million (£47 million) at auction at Sotheby’s last night.”
Not a clue who this guy is. I don’t care, and I sure as hell would not have spent $70.5 million dollars on this crap! Hell, I wouldn’t have spent 7 cents!
You can read the hows, whys and what in THE hell – here.
However, if you find it difficult to muster up some good ‘ol imagination, for the forces of good or evil, you can always pop over to Pinterest for a never-ending supply of someone’s imagination…
So happy I saw this cuz’ when I first saw that lit’l button bowl I thought it would be perfect for my sewing table. Yeah.. Not so much anymore.
Ugh. These cakes..
They’re pretty n’ all but seriously, does anybody eat that fondant shit? I always peel it off.
And this… This pretty much sums up most things in life…
However, close enough doesn’t get you into heaven.
But a screaming baby covered in smudged lipstick kisses could make you think you were in hell.
Happy Monday folks. It’s gonna’ be another beautiful, near 80 day here in Boise so you can find me outside. Sorry “Beastly Bear” but if it makes you feel any better we’ve got a cold front heading our way in a couple of days. Highs around 56. Guess I’ll haul out the winter gear again…

Be well! Let your imaginations run wild, and for those of you who are participating, happy A to Z’ing!

(H)ANGRY – Blogging A to Z


After yesterday’s eye-bleaching moments I thought I’d keep it simple today.
You’re welcome.
Looks like the devil wins this round hands down. There really is no angelic upside to being hangry.
But the upside to this post is that no one needed any eye-bleach, so maybe it’s a tie between the angels and the devil.
You decide.
Happy Saturday everyone. I hope you’re all doing something wonderful for the weekend. I think I’ll be out on my patio catching up on blog posts, commenting and diving head first into a pile of books I got at a HUGE book sale the other day!
Oh, and for those of you who are, Happy A to Z’ing!

(G)RATEFUL – Blogging A to Z

Or, it’s a magnet for freaks because you’re a freak and you’re just grateful that someone, anyone, miraculously looked in your direction, let alone dated and/or married your freaky ass!

This couple is borderline freakish because ya’ know, they could just be a fun couple. They look pleasant enough, but seriously, getting naked with your big, fat cats?
Yeah.. Pleasantly freakish.
I don’t even know how this happened. She must’ve been bending over to tie her shoe.
These guys, or girls, or one of each. You decide. Definitely a “miracle magnet” at work here.
And then there’s this couple… What the hell are they doing??
And I’ve posted this couple before but honestly, I just like to think that they were a casualty of the 70’s because seriously if you get rid of the coke bottle glasses and dorky hair and clothes. I think they could be kinda’ cute.
Definitely polishing my halo on this photo.
Happy Friday everyone and Happy A to Z’ing.
If anybody needs me I’ll be out soaking up some warmth and beautiful sunshine!

(E)MBRACE – Blogging From A to Z

Can I get a fist pump and a hell yeah???
Okay, all my warm fuzzy lit’l fist pumpers out there. Head outta’ the clouds. Feet on the ground. This is life “embracing” YOU.
And by “embracing” I mean making your corneas bleed, your nasal cavity burn and your head explode.
Here’s a “gorgeous mess” and it smells a lit’l fishy – NET!
And you know they all went out like this saying, “Guuuurrrrllll. We look goooood. We look damn gooooood.”
Yeah, NO.
And here’s this guy.. “Embracing his individuality, loving what he loves” – apparently his fucking cat – and “not worrying about judgement.”
Hands up if you think the pussy he’s holding is the only pussy he’ll ever get.
Ignore the wedding band. It’s a front.
After this guy is all done embracing his “uncertainty,” I have the title for his “most beautiful” next chapter.

I think the devil may have won this round…
Happy Wednesday folks, and Happy A to Z’ing for those who are in it to win it!

(C)OMPASSION – Blogging from A to Z

And the flip side of that warm fuzzy list… Because there must always be a flip side.
1.) Self-compassion
This should do the trick!

2.)Read Ferociously
Who doesn’t love some men, meat and muscle???

3.) Empathize Plus
I’m pretty sure the cape, is the “plus” here.

4.) Powerful Touch
***See #1 

5.) Practice Random Acts
Right???

6.) Be A Light

Happy Monday and Happy A to Z-ing, folks!
PS – I’d probably stick to the first list just to be on the safe side.

(B)LESSINGS & BULLSHIT – Blogging from A to Z

BLESSINGS
I’m one of those drive-by blessing people. If I see someone broke down on the side of the road, I ask God to bless them. If I see someone walking, I automatically assume that they have no means of transportation and I ask God to bless them. The “homeless,” “down on their luck,” sign holders. I ask God to bless them.
And I know what you’re thinking, especially those of you who are part of my tribe, you’re waiting for the proverbial “other shoe” to drop. Surely there must be a flip side to Mimi’s drive-by blessings.
BUSTED!
You know me so well.
Enter BULLSHIT
I always wonder how many walking pedophiles I have blessed in my drive-bys. Or the guy that’s broke down on the side of the road was he on his way to murder his family? And I’m alllwaaayyyys suspect of the seemingly “homeless,” “down on their luck,” sign holders. Especially the ones who try and stare you down when you’re stopped at a light. There’s no humility in them. And the “single mom” holding the sign? God help her. I was a single mom. I didn’t hold a sign. Ya’ know what I held? A fucking job. Weird, I know. But the worst, the ones I absolutely DESPISE are the ones who claim to be U.S. Veterans. I want proof!
In any event, 8 times out of 10 they won’t get my cash but 10 times out of 10 they will get my blessings.
– Like I’m oh so wonderful that my blessings mean anything.-
The fact is, I don’t know these people. I don’t know their story. I do know my God and my God says, “Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow from thee turn not thou away.” (Matthew 5:42) He doesn’t ask us to be private investigators, (too late.) He simply tells us to give.
That being said, I keep the majority of my giving to the collection plate of my church. I know where that money is going.

I have to tell you though folks, as quick as my mind can flip from blessings to bullshit it’s the southerners who can really nail it, and they do it looking and sounding so stinkin’ sweet!
I lived in Arkansas for 5 years. This is the absolute truth.
Happy Saturday folks and happy A to Z-ing!

(A)pril Fool’s Baby – Blogging From A-Z


No April Fool’s here. April 1st, 1963 cursed blessed my parents with a bouncing baby Aries girl!
I was born an Army brat on a military base in the northwest and I’ve been bucking taking orders ever since.
I’ve seen a lot of birthday posts where people make a list about themselves numbered according to their age. I’m not going to do that. Nobody cares and it takes too long to read, especially with it being opening day of the A to Z Challenge.
Instead, I’ll list a couple of fun facts and move it along.
BILLBOARD’S #1 SONG THE FIRST WEEK OF APRIL 1963
‘He’s So Fine’ by the Chiffons

My dad was driving around this car, brought back from Germany.
Take note – He had 6 children… Lots of “lap sitting” and no seat belt laws back then.This cereal made it’s debut in 1963.I was never a fan. It rips the roof of your mouth open when it’s crunchy and tastes disgusting when it’s soggy. This cereal is definitely not a win/win for me.True story.
7 months after my birth our nation mourned…And given this is an election year, consider these words of wisdom.
They made sense then. They make sense now.
If you’re participating in the A to Z Challenge, happy reading, and participation to you!
If not, well, you’re just gonna’ have to endure 26 days of my participation, or not, but this is where I’ll be for the next 26 days.
Writing, reading and commenting on as many blogs as I can, laughing, crying, learning and maybe making a few new tribe members along the way.
That’s my goal. Cheerleaders welcome!
Unless you have a penis and then you just have attitude with a jock strap.
PS – Tomorrow I will begin my A to Z “theme” Angels & Devil’s but today it’s my bday so I get to do whatever the hell I want and post whatever the hell I want!
Okay, that may or may not be true.. I can’t really yell fire in a crowded building and I can’t have sex with Ryan Gosling.. But a girl can dream! Especially iiiiffffffffffff….
IT’S MY BIRTHDAY BITCHES!!!!!!!!!

BLOGGING FROM A – Z – The Theme Reveal Post…

I decided, given the name of my blog, to make the tagline of my blog, my A to Z Challenge theme.
“Traveling with one foot in heaven and one foot in hell.”

If you’re a regular to my blog you know that I can praise Jesus in one sentence and drop the “F bomb” in the next. Such is my life.

I named my blog “Angel Stew & Devil’s Brew” because it’s who I am, and maybe who a few of you are as well. I do my best to follow my God but then life, and people, and idiots, and.. Well, you see how it goes. I’ve got one foot in heaven and one foot in hell!
My posts during the challenge will be alphabetical short quips n’ quotes regarding
angels vs. devils, good vs. evil, shoulda’ done this but instead I did that.
Some will be angelic in nature, others, not so much.

EXAMPLE:  Good…

And then life..

The angels and the devil battle it out on my blog with every word I write and some days, no matter how hard I try to soar with the angels that asshole of a devil just tosses up his pitchfork and down I go…

I’m really looking forward to this year’s challenge and I am determined to make it all the way thru! I’m mostly looking forward to making my rounds in the blogosphere and touching base with my faithful tribe members as well as finding some new kindred spirits to share a few laughs with, some creative “how to’s” and words of wisdom.

Shout out and special thanks to Arlee Bird and the rest of the A to Z team not only for this challenge but also for giving me 26 consecutive days to either polish my halo or sharpen my horns!