THE STORE WE LOVE TO HATE

To my faithful readers, I know this will come as no surprise to you, but two words top my least favorite store to Christmas shop at or do any other kind of shopping at.

Fucking Walmart!

The products don’t bother me. They sell pretty much the same crap as every other store. Sometimes they’re the cheaper option. Sometimes they’re not. They price match but so do a lot of other stores. My biggest issue with Walmart is, in fact, the people of Walmart. From the so-called managers, who I personally wouldn’t let manage a room full of stuffed animals, let alone an entire store! To the cashiers, to the stockers, to the actual shoppers themselves.

Ya’ ever notice when you walk into Walmart the only person doing their job, and doing it well, are the Walmart door greeters? And most of them are special needs people! There’s your insight to the rest of the employees that half-assed work there. It has been my experience that 99.9% of all Walmart employees are disgruntled, lazy and I’m guessing barely made it out of elementary school. – Just a guess. –  Aside from the door greeters, the only employees you see even attempting to give off the appearance of working are the THREE cashiers at the THREE lines that are open!  They’re still disgruntled and their level of intelligence is questionable, but they’re there!
All THREE of ’em!
Yet another reason I don’t shop there.

It’s the universal Walmart complaint. 500 check out lanes and those dumb ass managers will NEVER open more than three fucking lines! Why??? Clearly they have the help – such as it is – because you’ll find these fine employees in clusters scattered all around the store bitching and complaining about their personal shit. Or worse, you’ll get to witness as I have in the past, one toothless minimum wage worker flirting with some other toothless minimum wage worker  hidden behind a Christmas tree! NOT.EVEN.KIDDING! I’m surprised I still have my sight!
It was frightening!

Another Walmart complaint. Why aren’t all of the Walmarts laid out the same??? Aside from the pharmacy and outdoor section, nothing is ever in the same place from store to store. Sometimes the light bulbs are in automotive, sometimes they’re in the grocery. Ya’ know where they never are??? In the lighting department! C’mon Walmart, get it together. You’ve got a million stores all over. Helen Keller should be able to walk in and find a fucking lightbulb!

The Walmart shoppers themselves? Especially the laaaate night early morning shoppers??? I don’t even have enough time. Just Google “people of Walmart.”

My #1 tip for shopping at Walmart?  If you must ask one of those blue vested brainless wonders for help and their name tag has every letter of the alphabet in it JUST.MOVE.ON. they don’t speak English and you’d have better luck asking Stevie Wonder where the fucking lightbulbs are!

 

My favorite store? Kohl’s. It’s always clean. They have great stuff and you get that Kohl’s cash!

And then there’s this…

What about YOU? Where do you like to shop and what store would you rather slice your eyelids off than walk into?

CHRISTMAS MUSIC IN HELL? Yep.

 

UGH! It’s the same as last year, and the year before that, and every year that blood has been shooting out of my ears because I’ve had to listen to it! I know, I know. Turn the channel, don’t listen to it. Right? Au contraire mon frère. No, no, no, no, no. This is NOT self-inflicted torture. This song of Satan isn’t playing in my car or in my home! It’s playing in EVERY store I walk into!

My least favorite Christmas song? ‘Feliz Navidad!’ They play it eeevvverrrywhere! Whyyyy??

I’m not a Jose’ Feliciano fan to start with. I know of only two of his songs. ‘Feliz Navidad’ and the equally annoying, ‘Light My Fire.’ Both songs I’m pretty sure they play in hell.
Side note: If I leave this planet before any of you, I’ll be sure n’ let you know if I’m right.

For those of you who haven’t heard these songs. Here’s a little sampling.

The #1 song on Satan’s playlist – ‘Feliz Navidad’ by Jose’ Feliciano

And coming in a close second – ‘Light My Fire’ by Jose’ Feliciano


I hope you appreciate the hell I just put myself through to post those – like nails on a chalkboard to me – songs! And just so ya’ know, the “light my fire, light my fire, light fire” at the end of that song is enough to make me want to stab myself in the eye with a fork!

***Disclaimer – I have nothing again blind people or Latinos or blind Latinos. I just hate shitty, annoying music.