I BLAME KINDERGARTEN

This is a repost from 2016. Why?
Because in the words of Danny Zuko in Grease…
I’ve not had a really bad cold or flu this season and I don’t want to start now. This repost says it all and I’m taking some Zicam and heading to bed.
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I’ve been sick. It’s contagious. You can read about the inconsiderate asshole I caught it from here. And ya’ know, the more I’ve thought about it the more I’m convinced that we learned this inconsiderate behavior in kindergarten. Seriously.
I blame kindergarten.
leaves barSharing is a big deal in kindergarten. There was a whole list of things to share in kindergarten.
***Share your crayons.
***Share your paste. – I’m old. –
***Share your paints.
***Share the swings, the teeter totter, the jump rope. Your bat, your ball, your mitt.
***Share EVERYTHING!

Yeah. Thanks, kindergarten.
You should’ve had a list of things you DON’T share.

Here, let me help ya’ out with this one.
Top of the list????
***Don’t share your fucking germs!!!!
***Don’t share your cold.
***Don’t share your flu.
***Don’t share your diarrhea.
***Don’t share your ringworm.
***Don’t share your pinkeye.
***Don’t share your fucking lice!!!

I’m pretty sure parents everywhere would appreciate my list.
What they won’t appreciate?? Missing work to clean up shit and vomit from every member in their household including themselves!
leaves barFortunately, I think I’m on the tail end of this “bug.” It’s moved to my ears and I’ve still got one stuffed nostril and one runny nostril. I’m thinking about shoving a tampon up the runny nostril except what happens if I pull it out and then that nostril is all stretched to hell and doesn’t go back because I’m fucking old and your skin doesn’t bounce back like it used to in your 20’s/30’s??? Then I’m stuck with one big ‘ol, floppy Kevin Bacon, cannon sized nostril!
Not even kidding. Kevin Bacon has the biggest fucking nostrils ever.
See?? GIANT nostrils!
leaves barHere’s how you can do your part and not be an inconsiderate asshole during cold and flu/snotty “bug” season.
If you can, stay home and get yourself/child better.
Cover when you cough/sneeze.
Wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands.
Make sure your kids cover when they cough/sneeze and that they wash their hands too!
It’s soooooo important.
Kids pass this shit around like it’s a joint at Woodstock! Everybody gets a hit whether you want one or not!

Schools and daycares are one giant petri dish of all things contagious.
I’m not saying spray your kid down with Lysol but ya’ know…. You spray them with ‘Off’ in the summer time..
It’s a thought..
leaves barMimi’s quote for the day –
I’m pretty sure Johnny was in the grocery cart the other day blowing snot bubbles. leaves barfeather

Not In My Hoo Hoo!

In my ‘I Blame Kindergarten‘ post I jokingly mentioned spraying your kid down with Lysol to keep germs at bay, and by “at bay” I meant away from me.
Apparently, way back in the day Lysol already had a similar idea…
Aimed at women… And is wasn’t for colds and flu!
leaves barUh. No! And eeewwwwww.

Really?? Ya’ know what else incompatible means? Fuck off.

Shipwrecked?? “Lysol has prevented many such tragedies??” Hahahaha.

Maybe YOU can plant one of those rationed kisses on my ass.

I think I threw up a little reading this one. The last Q&A is the worst.
“…and use every means in her power to remain glamorous, dainty and lovely to love.”
leaves barI really don’t know how women survived back then with ads like these. They’re so degrading and sexist. I would’ve NEVER gotten married.

Oh, but wait. Men used Lysol back then too.
Aw. For their sensitive skin..

I can think of another use.
Try putting some Lysol on those bad boys!
And PS – Um. Yeah. I’m pretty sure we  can all resist “schweddy balls.”
leaves barI know people say, “it’s just the way it was back then” but I don’t buy it. I think women are women and offensive is offensive. They knew it then just as we know it now.
But what could they do?
Back then the men were barely out of the caves and still thought it was okay to grab their woman by the hair and drag her home to cook and clean.
But apparently, no sex until after Lysol.

Kudos to the women who went before me and actually had to put up with this bullshit and lived thru it.
There is no way I’d be swishin’ my “hoo hoo” with Lysol just to have sex with some guy!
leaves barMimi’s quote for the day –
And if he tells you to put Lysol on your “Hoo Hoo” you don’t have to do that either.
leaves barfeather