Remember the old days of applying for a job? You sat down at your dining room table, the classified section of your local newspaper spread opened to the “Help Wanted” section and there before you was every job available from apple picker to zebra trainer. There was a phone number listed, you called it, a pleasant receptionist answered, she gave you a basic job description and then she invited you to come into the office, fill out an application and speak to the manager.
Easy peasy.

Or, maybe there was just an address listed with the words, “apply in person,” so you’d dress up, show up, fill out the application in the office, and most of the time you’d be interviewed on spot.

Other times, if you were really lucky you’d know somebody, who knew somebody, who knew somebody who was hiring and they could get you a job by word of mouth.
Those days are gone.

Fast forward to the computer age. Personal interaction is slashed by ninety percent and everything is done online. Now take that a million fucked up steps further and you come to the job application process that son #3 recently encountered.

Craigslist, the local newspaper of 2015. Son #3 clicks through to the “Help Wanted”/”Jobs” section and bada bing bada boom several employment opportunities pop up on his screen. Unfortunately, most of those jobs don’t pay above minimum wage.
The ones that do? Restaurant work. Perfect. He’s young, most of his work has been in restaurants, and bonus, he is a certified sushi chef.
He’s got experience, he’s not a dumbass, he’s a hard worker, and he’s pretty cute, so in theory, he’s got a job, right?
Yeeeaaaaahhhhh, not so fast.

A little soup n’ sandwich joint was opening up here in town, an out of state chain, and at first glance their application process appeared to be the norm. Online form, name, email, age, mailing address, onto the seemingly normal application.. Experience, references, blah, blah, blah..
THEN.. The other half of the application.. A personal presentation.

  • A passion video – Seriously. A video of yourself showing how passionate you are about life. How in the hell do you make this video??
  • A collage – Still shots of you and your passion for life, and last but not least…
  • A word cloud – Expressing your passion with words.

What the hell people. You’re serving soup and sandwiches. You’re not a Fortune 500 company.
A personal presentation??? Here’s my presentation, I need a fucking job! I’m qualified.

Needless-to-say, my son did not get hired at the soup n’ sandwich joint,
a.) Because he’s not a moron, and
b.) Because he’s my child and he couldn’t stop laughing long enough to put together a passion video, a collage and a word cloud.
He did, however, apply in person at a pub/brewery, filled out the application at the pub, interviewed with the manager and was hired on spot. No video, no collage, no word cloud required.

So my question is, is this the employment process of the future?? I mean seriously, is this what a person will have to go through to get a job?

That lit’l soup n’ sandwich joint is so lucky it wasn’t me applying because they’d of found themselves kickin’ back watching a porno and looking at a collage of naked midgets with a word cloud that said, fuck off.