Remember the old days of applying for a job? You sat down at your dining room table, the classified section of your local newspaper spread opened to the “Help Wanted” section and there before you was every job available from apple picker to zebra trainer. There was a phone number listed, you called it, a pleasant receptionist answered, she gave you a basic job description and then she invited you to come into the office, fill out an application and speak to the manager.
Easy peasy.
Or, maybe there was just an address listed with the words, “apply in person,” so you’d dress up, show up, fill out the application in the office, and most of the time you’d be interviewed on spot.
Other times, if you were really lucky you’d know somebody, who knew somebody, who knew somebody who was hiring and they could get you a job by word of mouth.
Those days are gone.
Fast forward to the computer age. Personal interaction is slashed by ninety percent and everything is done online. Now take that a million fucked up steps further and you come to the job application process that son #3 recently encountered.
Craigslist, the local newspaper of 2015. Son #3 clicks through to the “Help Wanted”/”Jobs” section and bada bing bada boom several employment opportunities pop up on his screen. Unfortunately, most of those jobs don’t pay above minimum wage.
The ones that do? Restaurant work. Perfect. He’s young, most of his work has been in restaurants, and bonus, he is a certified sushi chef.
He’s got experience, he’s not a dumbass, he’s a hard worker, and he’s pretty cute, so in theory, he’s got a job, right?
Yeeeaaaaahhhhh, not so fast.
A little soup n’ sandwich joint was opening up here in town, an out of state chain, and at first glance their application process appeared to be the norm. Online form, name, email, age, mailing address, onto the seemingly normal application.. Experience, references, blah, blah, blah..
THEN.. The other half of the application.. A personal presentation.
Not.Even.Kidding.
- A passion video – Seriously. A video of yourself showing how passionate you are about life. How in the hell do you make this video??
- A collage – Still shots of you and your passion for life, and last but not least…
- A word cloud – Expressing your passion with words.
What the hell people. You’re serving soup and sandwiches. You’re not a Fortune 500 company.
A personal presentation??? Here’s my presentation, I need a fucking job! I’m qualified.
Needless-to-say, my son did not get hired at the soup n’ sandwich joint,
a.) Because he’s not a moron, and
b.) Because he’s my child and he couldn’t stop laughing long enough to put together a passion video, a collage and a word cloud.
He did, however, apply in person at a pub/brewery, filled out the application at the pub, interviewed with the manager and was hired on spot. No video, no collage, no word cloud required.
So my question is, is this the employment process of the future?? I mean seriously, is this what a person will have to go through to get a job?
That lit’l soup n’ sandwich joint is so lucky it wasn’t me applying because they’d of found themselves kickin’ back watching a porno and looking at a collage of naked midgets with a word cloud that said, fuck off.
#whatisthisworldcomingto
Magical Mystical Mimi 
just for giggles i think you should send in your passion video, collage and word cloud, midget porn, fuck off and all.
#WHATTHEACTUALFUCKPEOPLE
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I seriously considered it. I’ve never heard of such a bullshit job application process in my life and if this is the future of getting a fucking job somebody better start padding the welfare fund.
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Hilarious! Are you sure they serving only soup and sandwiches? 😉
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I have no idea Corinne.. They were awfully chipper on the phone, like cheerleaders on crack chipper.. I’m guessing whatever they’re serving up they’re smoking up before work!
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OMG That is NUTS! I can about tell you how far I would get with a PASSION video, PASSION Collage, and the what not. I would be fucked. Seriously, I am pretty creative, but I hate pictures of me. Hate them, loathe entirely. I would never get a job. If that is the wave for the future, however, I think my kids might stand a chance because they have been expected to create such things before and excelled. They probably wouldn’t be put off…but for a sandwich place??? That is crazy. I can see perhaps having to do something like that for a job in the art field or film industry. I agree, maybe they were serving up more than soup and sandwiches like Corinne suggested….;)
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No kidding Kathy. I could even see it as a presentation to a high powered company but for soup and sandwiches?? Are you joking??
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i’d be fucked too.
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Me too.. I wouldn’t have even made it through the face to face where they ask for you video.. Porn, I’m tellin’ ya’, I’d hand ’em porn… And then I’d be in jail and that would be another blog post all together.
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That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Clearly the person that designed the application process is some hippie dippie new age freak from the west coast (and I’m a hippie dippie new age freak from the west coast too but COME ON already. It’s a friggin restaurant, not Amazon.com). I wouldn’t even know how to make a video or a word cloud.
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It’s a Utah chain JoJo, hahahahaha. And, not to bash the Mormons but I’m pretty sure it’s a Mormon thing, they just had that “Polly Purebread” vibe that comes with all things Mormon and not being open or working on Sundays. Ever. – This comment is not meant for aaaallll Mormons out there. 99.9% are not these nut jobs.
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Bwahahahahahahaha. Somehow I kind of guessed what you’d do in your presentation. Bless their hearts.
Have a fabulous day. ☺
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Hahahahaa Sandee. You’ve been reading my blog too long. But I totally would send ’em porn, yes I would..
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All I can say is, that is a job I wouldn’t be hired to do. I’d be qualified and I’d be a good asset to the business, but they’d never know that.
I sure hope this was a fluke.
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Not a fluke in the least. You can YouTube some of their videos. Not even kidding.. It’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard of, and I definitely would not be hired, although I’m pretty sure I could run the damn place.
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WTF?! They really don’t want a video about my passion. I’m not sure if there would be enough therapy or drugs, that would ever make those employers whole again, after watching it.
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Hahahahahahaha! You would be the PERFECT candidate for this passion presentation Lily!! Omg.. I would pay good money to see it! I.would.die!
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That’s bizarre! Or is it? I’ve been out of the job market for a long time and sure wouldn’t go through all that. BTW, “Fuck off” shows great passion! 😀 I’d be tempted…
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I know Debbie! I don’t know if it’s bizarre or I’m just fucking old and outta’ the loop. And I agree, fuck off, does show great compassion, which makes me the most compassionate bitch on the planet cuz I say it a lot! Lol
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Oh lol that was Awesome. I loved the way you ended this post. Would love to see their faces.
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Suzy, I have to tell you, this still blows my mind.. A passion presentation.. I wanna’ see the videos of the employees they have now! Lol.. I wouldn’t be able to sit through them without peeing my pants laughing..
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Kind of reminds me of the “Women looking for Men” ads.
“Big Beautiful Women, mother of three looking for a college educated professional man. Over 6 feet tall, athletic with a full head of hair (balding need not apply). Please be clean shaven, and drug and disease free. Must be financially secure, have a good credit rating and PHD’s preferred.
Never been married, no dependant children, Nobel prize winners a plus. Please send photo, credit report, and copy of physical.
PS
Not well endowed look elsewhere.”
So let me ask, if I had all that you think I’d be shopping for a woman in the personals? Lol
Same with job postings, they want someone WAY over qualified for the job!
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Exactly! Hahahahaha!
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