I feel like I should be a magician on my blog.
Now you see me. Now you don’t.
I’ve delayed posting because I may be traveling soon and my travels won’t allow for regular blogging so I was going to wait until I got back. As of this post, it’s still up in the air, so here I am back at it in the off chance that my travel plans fall through. I suppose I could write some drivel and schedule posts for when/if I’m gone but pre-scheduled posting doesn’t work for me.
In the words of Julia Roberts in ‘Pretty Woman,’ “I’m a fly by the seat of my pants kinda’ girl.”
My friend “Frannie” said that I should write more of the real life shit that actually happens and not the fluff that I have been writing. So, ready or not, here are a few real life shit “pieces of me.”
My life as of late. Nothing earth-shattering. I do what I do.
Sewing, reading, writing, church on Sundays, meeting up with friends when all of our planets align, and lately, going to a never ending stream of doctor appointments.According to my oncologist, I am cancer free and should be for the rest of my life. – Go me! –
On the flip side of that coin is the thought, yeah well, 3 months before I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer my primary doc gave me a clean bill of health but told me to quit smoking and lose some weight. So my current oncologist telling me that I should be cancer free for the rest of my life, meh, maybe, maybe not but definitely words of hope to hang onto. The reality is though, once you have cancer, every cough, every itch, every nap will unconsciously send your thoughts and heart racing back to, “what if it’s the cancer again?” It’s the nature of the beast.
Cancer will always be a part of me.
It will always be the boogie man hiding under the bed.
Other real life shit. Altho my oncologist says I’m cancer free I am not free of the side effects of my cancer treatment.I have chronic neuropathy in my feet which will keep me on the disability list for the rest of my life. It will never get better, only worse, which is somewhat frightening because at this moment I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut my feet off. Not even kidding. The pain is excruciating.
Tonight my feet are blocks of ice and numb until I stub my toe or bump a table leg, then it’s like you’re outside in the freezing cold, no gloves, your fingers are so cold they hurt and then you bump one? That pain? TIMES A MILLION. Throughout the day it feels like my feet are on fire and I’m walking on shards of glass and hot coals. There is no in between, it is always, forever will be, one or the other.
Neuropathy is the gift that keeps on giving and comes with side effects of it’s very own. Not only are my feet fucked up but also my back because with neuropathy you walk so cautiously favoring one foot over the other, or both, it throws everything off and your back does a lit’l twist n’ shout all it’s own. Back surgery is definitely in my future but not my immediate future.
I have an appointment with a pain specialist next month so we’ll see what he can do. None of the neuropathy medications on the market work for me and I don’t do pain meds because they have zero effect on me. Vicodin speeds me up and the rest are like taking Ibuprofen so I take Ibuprofen.
More real life shit? I’ve been diagnosed with adult ADHD. Shocking. I know. I also started therapy.
Apparently I have issues. Who doesn’t?
This is what therapy looks like most days.
Seriously. I got these on my first session and I use them a lot. In therapy, we chat and I color. At home, I color 20 minutes before bed. Supposed to clear the mind. It works.
We talk a lot about to toxic people and situations and the importance of eliminating both from my life. Fortunately, as I was weaning myself off a few they hurried things along by being assholes and eliminated themselves so yay, less work for me to do.
Whew. I think that’s enough real life shit for the moment. There’s other real life shit going on but it’s the same for everybody.
Politics, shooting, more politics, more shootings. I give up on all of it. It makes no sense.
Happy Monday folks. Here’s to making it through the day without shooting someone over their politics, their religion, who they love, where they live or how much or how little money they make.
When we were kids we all walked to school together. We sat and learned together, and at the end of the day we walked each other home and chatted along the way.
What happened to us?
Mimi’s quote for the day –