“MISSED CONNECTION MONDAY” – This is why I don’t date

No need to look in the “Craigslist’s serial killer hunting ground” for today’s “missed connection” because this “missed connection” actually involved me!
And this is why I don’t date.
I went to ‘Home Depot’ to get some wooden dowels for my windows/sliding glass door because we now have some questionable, non-English speaking men living upstairs who have not undergone a background check per “move in regulations.”
I mentioned this in yesterday’s post.
As with most moments in my life, I’m in a hurry. I walk into ‘Home Depot’ with my list and measurements in hand. I stop and ask a cashier where the dowels are and tell her I’ll need someone to cut them for me. She says, “Oh, we have a saw station at the end of the aisle.”
I say, “Oh, well, I’ll need someone to do that for me. I’m in a bit of a hurry.”
She says she’ll send someone over to help me. Perfect.
Off I go.

– Keep in mind, I’m in a hurry.
I told the cashier I was IN A HURRY. –
I’m in the aisle. I spot my “helper.” I immediately start rattling off what I need and my helper just stands there looking at me. I talk fast so I’m thinking, a.) He didn’t understand me or b.) He was too far away to hear what I said. I repeat myself. Again he stands there looking at me. And just when I’m about to be a smart ass and say, “Hello, McFly” my helper starts moving his hands and motioning to his ears and mouth.
MY HELPER IS A DEAF MUTE!
Did I mention I was in a hurry?????
Fuck! – I show my list to him pointing to the length and the width I need, he, in turn, points to the dowels and the “saw station” – FYI, the “saw station” is a hand saw and some rulers.
Are you fucking kidding me right now???
I grab my dowels and head to the front of the store nearly running into another worker.
Thus begins my very own personal “missed connection.”
ME – (Shoving the dowels into the other worker’s face.) “Can you hear and do you speak?”
MC/missed connection (He chuckles.) “Well, yes I can and yes I do. What can I help you with?”
ME – (Holding the dowels inches from his face) “I need these cut. I’m in a hurry. Can you cut these for me?”
MC – “I can do that. What sizes do you need?” (I hand him my list.)

At the saw station he asks me what I’m using the dowels for. I tell him and we end up discussing  the crime rate in Boise and he tells me he’s a retired L.A. Detective.
He then proceeds to give me a million and one safety tips and questions the measurements for my dowels.
MC – “You know you want to make sure you get these long enough so that a person couldn’t stick his arm through the window and dislodge the dowel.”
ME – (Pointing at myself from head to toe.) “Detroit girl. I got it. And trust me, long before they got their arm through my window they’d be a dead man.”
He smiles. It’s a nice smile. He’s a handsome guy.
So, handsome MC with the nice smile finishes cutting the dowels and hands them to me and then, BOOM.
MC – “May I ask for you phone number?”
ME – (Taking note of his manners.) “You may ask but the answer is no.”
He stares at me. He has crystal blue eyes.
MC – “Why not?”
ME – “Well, Mr. Bold, did you miss the part about me being the Detroit girl?”
MC – (Smiling.) “Did you miss the part about me being the retired Detective from L.A.?”
ME – “Prove it. Where are your credentials?”
He stares at me again.
MC – “Where are yours?” (He smiles)
ME – “Seriously? Have you met anyone here in Idaho as mouthy as me, with an attitude like mine and a voice that sounds like “The Nanny,” who asked to see your credentials AND wouldn’t give you their phone number?” (He laughs out loud this time. He has a nice laugh too…)
MC – “Well, if you change your mind I’m here every day.” (Another smile.)
ME – (Dripping with sarcasm.) “Perfect. I’ll be back tomorrow.” And off I go to pay for my shit.
I go to the same cashier who sent my flippin’ “helper.” She says, “How did everything work out for you?” I said, “It didn’t. I tell you I’m in a hurry and you send me some guy that can’t hear and doesn’t speak.” She says, “Oh, that’s Carl. He reads lips.” I said, “Well apparently not these lips because he did nothing for me.” Then I hear laughing, that laugh. My very own personal “missed connection” laugh. I look up and my MC is standing up at the customer service desk listening to my every word, pointing at himself mouthing the words, “every day, I’m here, every day.”
I smiled at him, walked out the door and haven’t been back since.
And that, folks is my very own personal “Missed Connection Monday” post.
Here’s to a great week ahead filled with great smiles, beautiful eyes, and amazing laughter.

24 thoughts on ““MISSED CONNECTION MONDAY” – This is why I don’t date”

  4. Guess I missed what he did wrong, I mean apart from the obvious fact that he is not me…
    Great smile, check.
    Great eyes, check.
    Great laugh, check-check.
    And he’s got a job AND a pension, check.
    What’s not to love?!? Color me confused.

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  5. I admit, I am a little confused too. Sounds pretty decent.
    Not sure, but think I would have gone with a 2×4, so if they broke the glass, you would have a hefty bat. Or did you get closet rod size?

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    1. Not entirely sure “decent” exists in the year 2016 S.J. And if they break the glass they’ll be dead. The dowels, the locks, and all other deterrents are simply that. If they want to get brave, well, roll those dice…

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  7. Tim in agreement with ^^^^all of that! You did MISS a chance, but he’s available everyday. I say pack a lite lunch for two and go back to HD. Invite him to lunch and then sit down on any available sit upon thing and get to know a little something about great eyes-laugh-senseofhumor.

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  8. Sure hope the dowel rods work out. Like to see what you done with it.
    In our local home depot there is a man who I believe has polio or something like it.
    Actual he one who goes out of his way to help you. It seem the other one just past you on to someone else.
    Coffee is on

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    1. It works fine. Just keeps the window from opening easily and if someone wants to be an ass, well, they’ll be a dead one or at the very least, a hospitalized one.. – I’m certain if I hadn’t been in such a rush I would have just worked it out with my “helper” but I was short on time and patience. A horrible combination for me..

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  9. Your new neighbours sound nasty! 😛 They know better now than to mess with you, I hope. From past experience, trying to get help at Home Depot is an exercise in futility, but that retired cop sounds nice. And really interested! I wouldn’t write him off just yet; life is short. Enjoy! 😉

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