I know I’m a day late but here it is… The “N” word.
– NO! Not that “N” word! –
Mine is much nicer and creepy…
“N” is for neighbor. 
As most of you know who read my twisted blog. I have an issue with neighbors. And by issue, I mean that if there happens to be a freaky, creepy, weirdo within a million mile radius, inevitably, at some point, they will end up being my neighbor.
On the whole, I like neighbors. I’ve had great neighbors. My favorite neighbors are the neighbors who turn into friends. Anymore those tend to be far and few in between.
I’ve never had a neighbor this cool but beer left on my doorstep would be a nice neighborly touch.
I think about this sometimes when I’m driving through a neighborhood at night and I see a lit’l glimpse inside a kitchen or living room with cute lit’l wall hangings or people sitting at the dining room table. For a nanosecond I imagine the most wonderful life for them, and of course, they get a drive by blessing that they might always have that cozy roof over their heads and those people to love.
And then I’m back to the jerk that just ran the stop sign.
I’ve only experienced this once in my life. Four brothers that lived across the street from us growing up. All of them good looking, two of them exceptionally so. Unfortunately, my dad held my dating reigns then so like a kid on the short bus about all I could do was stick my face to the window and lick it!
Side note: Eventually, I would receive my very first kiss ever from one of the exceptionally good looking ones.
I don’t necessarily believe this.
Unless the neighbors are like this…
Hhhhhmmm. I have a strange neighbor and I don’t want him invigorating anything that has to do with me. Thanks anyway Ralph.
On to the creepy neighbor because you knew there had to be one in this post.
It’s not the ones upstairs. They’re just loud and now they’re moving so hip, hip, hooray for that!
NO. Here is my creepy neighbor.
– Because apparently it is my lot in life to have at least one wherever I go! –
What makes this neighbor so creepy???
Is it that he walks around barefoot year round. Rain, sleet, snow, sun??
Nope. Just makes him a moron.
Is it that the outfit you see in the photo is the same outfit he wears day in, day out, year round??
Nope. Just makes him disgusting and I suspect, smelly.
You can’t see his face but his head is perfectly round with 3 clumps of greasy hair sticking out, coke bottle glasses and he’s still rockin’ the Don Johnson Miami Vice 5 o’clock shadow only scraggly.
What makes this neighbor creepy is HIS COLLECTION OF NAKED BARBIES that he keeps in one of a DOZEN OR MORE plastic totes filled with junk on his back patio!!!!!!!
I only know this because to take our pup to go poo we have to walk right past the creep neighbor’s place and there on the fire hazard that is his back patio is that tote FILLED TO THE BRIM with NAKED BARBIES!!!!!!!
I don’t know why. I don’t want to know why. Nor do I know what’s in the rest of the totes that adorn his patio but I guarantee you. One day we’ll see this NEIGHBOR on the 10 o’clock news!
Please.. Fingers, eyes and toes all crossed. – Pleeeassse.
Silence. The Lord has taught me silence. He knows like I know. I could end up in one of those flippin’ plastic totes!
Here is my week ahead wish for all of you.
But not too soon on that last one!
Now I’m heading around to visit, read n’ comment on lots of terrific blogs.
All of yours at the top of my list!
Happy Sunday folks and Happy A to Z’ing!
Magical Mystical Mimi 
I was going to make the ‘like a good neighbour stay over there’ joke but you covered it. lol I am so sick of noisy neighbours and I’ve had them ever since I moved to San Francisco. I want it quiet. Right now I have an issue with the ignorant asshat next door and his obnoxious kid blasting music from his car. It stopped for the past year but it’s starting again. I have gone off on them. Russell went off on them last year and called the cops. And yet they still seem to think I want my whole house vibrating and can’t hear the TV b/c of their subwoofers and crap ass music. *rant over* lol
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Aren’t there noise ordinances in your town Joanne? I know there are here. That would be super annoying to me and you know I’d be going off on them. It’s irritating to me that these thug wanna be’s out here in Idaho do their whole super bass, rig a rockin’ music. First of all, Idaho and thug gangsta – really? Second. The cops will pull them over in a heartbeat for that crap so it doesn’t happen often.
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Creepy neighbors are creepy indeed. Ours moved out and I’m ever so thankful. We had two by the way. Why just have one.
I remember a incident that happened with a Barbie doll at the emergency room years ago. I took one of the inmates in for something and the nurses were having a meltdown about this guy who accidentally sat on a Barbie doll. Sure is was an accident. Happens ALL. THE. TIME. Anyway they were trying to figure out how to get it out. Those little arms were messing up everything when they tried to gentle remove that doll. The Barbie still was wearing her red high heels too. I had a visual right away. Do you want to bleach our eyes out?
Have a fabulous day. ☺
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OOOOOMMMMMMGGGGGGG Sandee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What the actual f*ck??? I would have DIED LAUGHING!!!! Omg… Omg… I can’t even imagine!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! “Accidentally” sat on a Barbie doll… Omg… The fact that the little red high heels were still in tact and IN his ass – is killer!!! – And the little arms messing everything up??? HAHAHAHAHAHA! oMG… Honestly though, I have to admit.. I think my coffee came back up a lit’l on this comment. – Omg.. The best comment ever!
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I have never had creepy neighbors. Luck? Hmmmm. We’ve had some who weren’t friends, but never creepy ones. Well, across from us, last house, there was a drug addicted abuser who liked to stand outside and pick vulgar fights with walkers, but…more terrifying than creepy.
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The creepy ones don’t come near you because your halo has a genuine shine to it and I’m pretty sure that scares them away. As for the jerk across the street. I think I may have accidently ran over that asshole..
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My neighbors are few and far between. One neighbor, the husband, came over and mowed my yard the first week we lived here. I thought, “How nice!” Alas, never saw him again. They live about a block away. Another neighbor lives in the other direction, again about a block away. I called her when the UPS man left her package on my doorstep. She drove over to retrieve it. Never saw her again. My closest neighbor has the property behind us. I tried to visit, bringing the normal ‘Welcome to the neighborhood’ fare when they moved in about 9 years ago. The husband does drop off extra veggies from his garden about once a year. His wife will actually go inside if she sees me come out to the yard. There is another neighbor. I can see their house from my womb – I have never met them. The mailman told me that they mention having seen me outside with my tank and cane – I am the subject of gossip, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, you know?
The devil gets this one – just because!
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Okay, first of all, weird that they would discuss you with the mailman but have never met you. They need to get a life. Second. I LOVE neighbors with veggies to spare and share. I miss that from being up on the mountain. Everybody always has something growing up there. Here in the city I have the farmers markets which I also adore but it’s not the same. And as for the wife who goes in when she sees you come out. I’d camp my ass outside for as long as I could. She’d never see the light of day with me in the summer!
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I AM probably the neighbour that nobody wants to live next door to. Spawn has no concept of ‘tippy toes’ or quite and rampages around the house like a hippo wearing clogs. Plus the garden is so overgrown, that it makes the Amazonian Rain Forest Blush. The other day I’m sure there were 4 dead bodies, a forest deer, some woodland creatures and Narnia out there.
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Hahahahahaha. Ya’ know what tho Lily. I expect noise and hippo clogs from kids. They’re kids. They’re supposed to be loud. I don’t expect it from grown ups. And sshhh on the dead bodies. My sister could’ve been over your way visiting and she tends to leave “things” behind.
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Your sister sound like my kinda woman.
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Oh she is…
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Oh and PS, speaking of creepy neighbours, one of my bffs in Utah has a real creep next door that she’s named Captain Underpants because..well….she gets quite the eyeful. I look forward to her CU updates and photos when she can sneak them!
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Ugh! If I ever saw some creep parading around in his underwear.. After I was done vomiting and taking photos, I’d probably ask him when the rest of his surgeries were taking place. Obviously he’s had the penis removed, what’s next? Breast implants?? – I’d have fun with him.. I’d also probably end up in tote on someone’s back patio.
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On our road which is about half mile. There four family we all get long but we don’t go and play cards. This way if there any trouble I can depend on my neighbors to be there.
Coffee is on
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That sounds like life up on the mountain. 🙂
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My best neighbors are the ones who wave when you see them, will take your mail in when you are away, but do not invite you over or expect the same
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Hahahahaha. I know Cranky. Sometimes it is that way but I don’t mind a bbq here n’ there. 🙂
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Wow, again? You draw creepy, weird neighbors like sugar draws ants!!!!
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I am sugar, honey. 😉
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I like the way you’ve attacked this challenged. It’s always a fun read. 🙂
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Thank you Sharon. Attacking is one of my super powers. 🙂
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LOL. 😛
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This is so hilarious! You had me swinging on my chair!
[@samantha_rjsdr] from
Whimsical Compass
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Hahahaha. Well, I’m happy to have given you a spin! And thank you! – I’ll be heading your way shortly! 😀
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