CATCHING UP

Apparently the A to Z challenge neither taught me nor instilled in me the where-with-all (where the hell did that come from?) to write daily. Sigh.
Catching up. First of all, let’s address all of you whom I consider online/real life friends – you know who you are – regarding my very own personal, “Missed Connection Monday – This Is Why I Don’t Date” post.
Thanks for wanting me to be happy to throw me headfirst into the arms of a serial killer!
Yes, he was cute. Yes, he seemed nice but guess what??? People said the same thing about Ted fucking Bundy!!!!
So, just to be clear.
– No, I am not going out with this guy! –
To be fair, things could have worked out muuuuuccccchhhh differently had my “Missed Connection” worked at JoAnn Fabrics. Of course, if he worked there he probably wouldn’t have asked for my number, just sayin’… Every fabric store I’ve ever gone in that had a guy working in it, that guy has been clearly and openly gay.
FYI, I now shop at Lowe’s for all of my hardware needs.
In defiance, I chose to sit home this long weekend. I made or attempted to make plans for the past two weeks and all but one fell through so now I’m just like, fuck it. I’ll stay home and be on my own damn schedule instead of waiting around for other people who don’t show up and plans that don’t pan out.
Color me irritated.
I’ve been working on some inventory for my “maybe, maybe not” Etsy shop. Not sure I’m going that route or not. I think I’m going to go with just showcasing things on Facebook and here, and then this fall hit up a few craft shows. I’ve already got people inboxing me about winter hats n’ scarves and baby stuff. Of course, all of you get the “sneak peeks.”
I’ve also started a couple of different journal ideas to keep myself on track in all areas of my life that would otherwise spin completely, and totally out of control. I’ll share those projects too.
Also, I’m starting my Christmas shopping. I know, I know but think about it, folks. Christmas is only 6 months away. I’m shopping, wrapping and cataloging it all! Laugh, sigh, faint away in disbelief but guess who won’t be stressing during this holiday season??? This girl right here.
I hope everyone had a safe, reflective Memorial Day weekend.
I’m off to visit some blogs now.
Happy Tuesday that feels like Monday!
Here’s a lit’l sneak peek of the baby quilt and toy I did..
I call it, “Puppy Love.”
It’s my very first “rag quilt” and I think I’ll be making a lot of these…
That’s all folks…

“MISSED CONNECTION MONDAY” – This is why I don’t date

No need to look in the “Craigslist’s serial killer hunting ground” for today’s “missed connection” because this “missed connection” actually involved me!
And this is why I don’t date.
I went to ‘Home Depot’ to get some wooden dowels for my windows/sliding glass door because we now have some questionable, non-English speaking men living upstairs who have not undergone a background check per “move in regulations.”
I mentioned this in yesterday’s post.
As with most moments in my life, I’m in a hurry. I walk into ‘Home Depot’ with my list and measurements in hand. I stop and ask a cashier where the dowels are and tell her I’ll need someone to cut them for me. She says, “Oh, we have a saw station at the end of the aisle.”
I say, “Oh, well, I’ll need someone to do that for me. I’m in a bit of a hurry.”
She says she’ll send someone over to help me. Perfect.
Off I go.

– Keep in mind, I’m in a hurry.
I told the cashier I was IN A HURRY. –
I’m in the aisle. I spot my “helper.” I immediately start rattling off what I need and my helper just stands there looking at me. I talk fast so I’m thinking, a.) He didn’t understand me or b.) He was too far away to hear what I said. I repeat myself. Again he stands there looking at me. And just when I’m about to be a smart ass and say, “Hello, McFly” my helper starts moving his hands and motioning to his ears and mouth.
MY HELPER IS A DEAF MUTE!
Did I mention I was in a hurry?????
Fuck! – I show my list to him pointing to the length and the width I need, he, in turn, points to the dowels and the “saw station” – FYI, the “saw station” is a hand saw and some rulers.
Are you fucking kidding me right now???
I grab my dowels and head to the front of the store nearly running into another worker.
Thus begins my very own personal “missed connection.”
ME – (Shoving the dowels into the other worker’s face.) “Can you hear and do you speak?”
MC/missed connection (He chuckles.) “Well, yes I can and yes I do. What can I help you with?”
ME – (Holding the dowels inches from his face) “I need these cut. I’m in a hurry. Can you cut these for me?”
MC – “I can do that. What sizes do you need?” (I hand him my list.)

At the saw station he asks me what I’m using the dowels for. I tell him and we end up discussing  the crime rate in Boise and he tells me he’s a retired L.A. Detective.
He then proceeds to give me a million and one safety tips and questions the measurements for my dowels.
MC – “You know you want to make sure you get these long enough so that a person couldn’t stick his arm through the window and dislodge the dowel.”
ME – (Pointing at myself from head to toe.) “Detroit girl. I got it. And trust me, long before they got their arm through my window they’d be a dead man.”
He smiles. It’s a nice smile. He’s a handsome guy.
So, handsome MC with the nice smile finishes cutting the dowels and hands them to me and then, BOOM.
MC – “May I ask for you phone number?”
ME – (Taking note of his manners.) “You may ask but the answer is no.”
He stares at me. He has crystal blue eyes.
MC – “Why not?”
ME – “Well, Mr. Bold, did you miss the part about me being the Detroit girl?”
MC – (Smiling.) “Did you miss the part about me being the retired Detective from L.A.?”
ME – “Prove it. Where are your credentials?”
He stares at me again.
MC – “Where are yours?” (He smiles)
ME – “Seriously? Have you met anyone here in Idaho as mouthy as me, with an attitude like mine and a voice that sounds like “The Nanny,” who asked to see your credentials AND wouldn’t give you their phone number?” (He laughs out loud this time. He has a nice laugh too…)
MC – “Well, if you change your mind I’m here every day.” (Another smile.)
ME – (Dripping with sarcasm.) “Perfect. I’ll be back tomorrow.” And off I go to pay for my shit.
I go to the same cashier who sent my flippin’ “helper.” She says, “How did everything work out for you?” I said, “It didn’t. I tell you I’m in a hurry and you send me some guy that can’t hear and doesn’t speak.” She says, “Oh, that’s Carl. He reads lips.” I said, “Well apparently not these lips because he did nothing for me.” Then I hear laughing, that laugh. My very own personal “missed connection” laugh. I look up and my MC is standing up at the customer service desk listening to my every word, pointing at himself mouthing the words, “every day, I’m here, every day.”
I smiled at him, walked out the door and haven’t been back since.
And that, folks is my very own personal “Missed Connection Monday” post.
Here’s to a great week ahead filled with great smiles, beautiful eyes, and amazing laughter.